A New Chapter
I remember the moment it happened, last May….there was a moment when I was standing in a shoe store trying to find some decent shoes for my son. I was frustrated because I wasn’t finding ANY shoes his size, even though I had been to at least 6 stores, and I was in the 2nd largest city in the country. All of a sudden it was like a line was crossed and I said to myself “I’m done”. I’m done with living in Costa Rica. I’ve had enough. Enough of the difficulty to do even seemingly simple things like buy a pair of shoes for my kid. Enough of the horrible roads. Enough of rain every day for 9 months of the year. Enough of the absence of any kind of art scene. Enough cacao ceremonies with the expat community. Enough delicious mangoes and enough brightly colored toucans in my yard. Enough gorgeous sunsets over the Pacific. I’ve had enough. I’m done.
Driving home that day, I knew in my gut that something had to change. But at the time I was afraid to suddenly make waves and declare to my husband that it was time to move. After all, we had recently bought a beautiful property and were in the middle of designing a house. We’ve been “living the dream”, who was I to say I wanted out? And so instead I planned a vacation, just to have a short and reasonable break. I’d been wanting to visit San MIguel de Allende, Mexico for some time and so my husband and I decided to go there for 2 weeks. I’d heard a lot about the vibrant culture and art scene there and wanted to check it out. After 3 or 4 days there I declared “I’m NOT leaving in 2 weeks”. It became quickly very clear that a little break wasn’t going to cut it. I needed out. I needed a change. I needed some things in my life that I had been in denial about needing for way too long.
And so began the journey that has taken the better part of the last year. Coming to the realization that yes, it is indeed time for a change, and then trying to figure out what that change looks like and how to do it. How to extract ourselves out of our life in Costa Rica, where we have been living full time for 10 years, where we have a property and a dog and 2 cars and a ton of stuff. How to find the right balance of what I need, what my husband needs, and what our 10 year old son needs to thrive. It’s been a slow, confusing and messy process that I’m still very much in the middle of. Even though we’ve done it before, moving to another country isn’t quite as simple as packing our bags for a 2 week vacation was.
In this process my creative work with weaving has definitely needed to go on the back burner. In our transition I haven’t even had a place to set up my loom, and my relationship with my creative muse has been sort of turned upside down. And so, partly due to the circumstances and partly by choice, I’m allowing myself some time and space to let the dust settle and begin a new chapter with my creative work. I’m pausing and letting some new inspirations come through. I’m exploring some new mediums. (more on that later) I’m contemplating what parts of my artistic practice I want to continue and what parts it may be time to let go of. I’m trying to not freak out about probably being in the middle of a mid life crisis and just ride the waves of the unknown seas of change as gracefully as possible.
Today I sit here writing this in my new studio just outside of San MIguel de Allende. I have an expansive view of the desert and mountains in the distance. Looking out at the stark landscape, I have to laugh a little of how drastic of a change I manifested —going from the green rainforest where it rained TOO MUCH to the prickly desert where it almost never rains. And yet feeling like on an artistic and cultural level, I am just emerging from 10 years in a desert and have found myself in a lush oasis of artistic beauty and inspiration. And while I’m not totally sure I’m really wanting to live in a desert long term (this girl does love water and lushness) I’m reveling at the moment in the CHANGE and in experiencing something different for awhile. The change was the medicine I needed.
So while I realize things have been a bit quiet here for the last while on the artistic production front, please stay tuned dear one, for what is to come on the other side of this massive transition I am in. Seeds are germinating quietly in the dark earth…..I’m slowly getting all set up in my new studio with a view and I am getting ready for some long awaited creative action! Whether my work will take a drastic turn or continue gradually in another stage of evolution remains to be seen. In the meantime I’m committed to my artistic path, which is actually my deepest soul’s journey, of continual exploration and discovery, death and rebirth, and messy transitions.
